Pages

Wednesday, January 23, 2019

SNL Writer Offers Blowjobs To Anyone Who Will Punch The 'MAGA Kid In The Face'

Ever wonder why the laughs on "Saturday Night Live" come once every other ten sketches? Perhaps it's because they employ contributors like Sarah Beattie who think that offering free blowjobs to people for punching minors in the face is funny.
According to Newsbusters, Beattie, who was listed by Vogue as one of the "5 Comedians Who Might Help You Stay Sane for the Next 4 Years" upon President Trump's inauguration, took her cues from Nina Burleigh during the Covington Catholic Schoolboys controversy this weekend by offering fellatio to any chivalrous gent willing to punch the lights out of that "MAGA kid" seen smiling in the viral video as a Native American protester beats a drum directly in his face.
"I will blow whoever manages to punch that maga kid in the face," she said in the now-deleted Tweet.
The "MAGA kid" whose punchable face aroused Beattie into offering blowjobs has since been identified as high school junior Nick Sandmann, who said in a lengthy statement on Sunday that the viral video of him smiling was completely taken out of context and that he remained silent to defuse the situation.
"At no time did I hear any student chant anything other than the school spirit chants," said Sandmann. "I did not witness or hear any students chant 'build that wall' or anything hateful or racist at any time. Assertions to the contrary are simply false. Our chants were loud because we wanted to drown out the hateful comments that were being shouted at us by the protestors."
"After a few minutes of chanting, the Native American protestors, who I hadn't previously noticed, approached our group. The Native American protestors had drums and were accompanied by at least one person with a camera," the statement continued. "The protestor everyone has seen in the video began playing his drum as he waded into the crowd, which parted for him. I did not see anyone try to block his path. He locked eyes with me and approached me, coming within inches of my face. He played his drum the entire time he was in my face."
"I never interacted with this protestor. I did not speak to him. I did not make any hand gestures or other aggressive moves. I believed that by remaining motionless and calm, I was helping to diffuse the situation. I said a silent prayer that the situation would not get out of hand."
Despite the overwhelming evidence that the Covington Catholic boys did nothing wrong, Beattie doubled down on her insanity after deleting her initial tweet.
"oh yes the kid who was marching against women’s reproductive rights while wearing a hat promoting an evil homophobic racist misogynistic sociopath was TOTALLY misrepresented," she later tweeted.
Of course, Sarah Beattie does not stand alone in her desire to see a minor receive a good punch in the face from an adult twice his size. Though no blowjobs were offered, CNN contributor Reza Aslan made a similar proclamation at the height of the controversy.
"Honest question. Have you ever seen a more punchable face than this kid’s?" Aslan tweeted.
In 2016, pop singer Madonna offered blowjobs to anyone who would vote for Hillary Clinton, which was nearly 20 years after journalist Nina Burleigh made the same offer to Bill Clinton for the sake of keeping abortion legal.

1 comment:

  1. Maybe it should read "SNL Writer Offers Blowjobs To Anyone". Punching MAGA in the face optional

    ReplyDelete