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Sharing a life with someone and trying to run a household is one hell of a challenge, and is sometimes the ‘make-it-or-break-it’ factor that determines if you’re gonna stick it out, or call it quits. In fact, with throwing in the towel while co-habitating, you can actually narrow it down to 3 things that kill the relationship; lack of sex/intimacy, not aligning on politics/religion and most importantly, money. The last one’s a doozy though. If you can’t agree on how to handle your money, you’re in for a bad time.
In fact, according to a survey conducted by areavibes, it’s more than just the money; it’s about the honesty around the money. Some couples tell lies, some hoard money, while others have no idea how to handle their finances, and bring their partners down with them.
It’s pretty scary out there.
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Starting with the basic question on how couples do it, you can see that almost 60% of married couples share a joint account, while engaged/relationships rely on separate accounts and proportional bills.
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Breaking it down by generation, boomers like to share their accounts (because they’re definitely married), followed by the Gen Xers, then millennials.. However, there’s a trend here as well, that the younger generations, even as a married couple, are keeping things separate, and either paying proportional bills or equal. In today’s gig economy, this totally makes sense.
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When you break down the various ways that couples manage their money, and how satisfied they feel, the ones that do the specific method, are pretty pleased with it.
I’m surprised by a 78% partner allowance though. Guess the soccer moms and real housewives have got nothing to complain about.
I’d hate not having financial autonomy, though.
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As for when you decide to make a financial switch, most obviously wait until they move in together, while the second most popular option was when they said “I do.”
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Still though, no matter what you decide, secrets will abide. With women, despite their financial arrangements, they’ll lie about how much fast food they buy, and the larger clothes that would need to come with it, and those insanely expensive beauty items. Dudes, on the other hand, will lie about video games, alcohol, electronics and junk food. You know, dude stuff.
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When you look at the average numbers that they’re spending, it’s staggering to see how much is being secretly spent, and even when they get caught by their partner, they still don’t stop.
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So it’s one thing to keep a secret, it’s another to reveal why they feel the need not to be transparent. The most popular reason is that their partner wouldn’t approve of the purchase, which totally makes sense. The other most popular choices were that it was a little thing that wasn’t worth bringing up or they were embarrassed that they did it. I’d be embarrassed too if my wife knew that I did McD’s 4 days in a row.
Not surprising, the dishonest and negative reasons are pretty telling. A lot of people keep their purchases quiet because they feel like it’s not their partner’s business, or didn’t want them to know where they were and who they were with.
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Then there are those that don’t feel it necessary to hide their purchases. Obviously the shared account people can’t hide anything, but even those that have separate accounts are pretty even with the majority, with their disclosures.
As well, most will suggest that their partners are pretty good with their money; even go as far as saying they’re excellent.
High praise.
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On the flip side, couples do tend to snoop on one another when they suspect that their partner isn’t being honest with money. In most cases, it’s the women doing the snooping (29%), and they’re looking at the account statements, their partner’s phone and their online activities. Some even go as far as a monitoring app. Yikes!
When it comes to motivations, however, they vary. Most just want to ensure that their partners aren’t overspending, while the rest were just curious. A small percentage, however, had suspicions about their partner’s honesty, and wanted to keep tabs on them.
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As I mentioned in the intro, money is a huge factor in why couples fight. Boomers tend to have the least frequency of coming to words over their money, while Gen Xers seem to have strong feelings about their partner and their money habits.
Overall, deciding how to manage your money together isn’t a decision you take lightly. Whether you want to do the joint thing, or maintain separate accounts, it’s best if you make a solid agreement on who pays for what, what goes where and be open about your purchases.
There’s no shame in shopping, junk food, and video games if you’re open about it and make sure that your luxury items don’t fuck you two financially.
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This is the kind of fight over money I enjoy, and will never, ever, experience.
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